Sunday, May 31, 2009

Happy Anniversary, Mom and Dad!



Seriously, are they a good looking couple, or what?! Gorgeous, I'll tell ya!

Wow. 41 years. Today, that is a milestone. I am pretty sure that I am biased, but I think I have the greatest parents ever known to man. I sure love them. Since I missed doing a tribute to my mother on Mother's Day, I thought that I would kill two birds with one stone. I think I will split the difference between Mother's Day and Father's Day and do my tribute to them now, for their anniversary. Look at that. I just let myself off the hook for Father's Day!

Anyway, 41 years, 41 tributes. I hope you learn something about these great people. They are pretty spectacular!

1. My parents are two of the most service oriented people. They will serve anyone at anytime. They will serve until they are literally exhausted.

2. They will take a nap and serve all over again.

3. They LOVE the gospel.

4. Their testimonies are so strong. Their testimonies have strenghtened so many people, starting with their own children and grandchildren.

5. They are goal oriented.

6. They are always looking for good things to do. They love to better themselves.

7. They love their children and grandchildren.

8. They keep the roads hot between themselves and their children. They will always be there to support us, if humanly possible.

9. They LOVE to laugh. They have such great humor about them.

10. They are two of the friendliest people. They will talk to perfect strangers without batting an eye. They have passed this on to their children.

11. They have great integrity. They are the kind of people that do what is right because it's the right thing to do, even behind closed doors.

12. They are people pleasers. It's makes their day to know that you are happy and doing well. They will do what they can to get you to that point.

13. My dad has such a beautiful tenor voice. It melts your knee caps.

14. I hear my dad when I listen to the Tabernacle Choir.

15. My mom has an amazing green thumb.

16. I see her when I am in my flower beds.

17. They are both returned missionaries.

18. Two of their children have served in the same missions they served in.

19. You won't hear them gossip.

20. They are so good with their money. They have taught their children to save money. They are now teaching this to their grandchildren.

21. They love traditions and find great joy in them.

22. They both like to take a good nap.

23. My mom is a wonderful cook. We turn to her for our best recipes.

24. When you scratch my dad, he bleeds blue. BYU blue.

25. They have sung at Carnegie Hall.

26. My dad snuck ice cream after we kids were in bed. He thinks we don't know.

27. My mom steals drinks out of Jeff's soda. She doesn't care that he knows.

28. They are the proverbial old couple when driving together in a car.

29. They are pretty smokin' in their Chrysler.

30. They are very wise. Sometimes we get wiser just by being near them. Sometimes.

31. They are such good people that you want to be better just because you know them.

32. They are both avid readers and have been since I can remember.

33. They are good in-laws. Their children-in-law love them.

34. Their house has a revolving door on it. People love to be in their home.

35. The doctor told them they might not be able to have children.

36. They have 7 children and almost 13 grandchildren.

37. They are very good listeners. They are first ones that we call for advice, and a good vent.

38. They are good sports. They will try anything, with in reason.

39. I want to be like them when I grow up.

40. I admire their relationship. They are so good to each other. I look forward to doing a tribute to them at their 50th.

41. They are very forgiving. I know they will forgive me for putting them on a pedestal, and for showing you this picture.




Congratulations on all of these years together. We love you!!







Friday, May 29, 2009

Which One Is Impaired?

On Wednesday night, bedtime was happening way too slowly and way too late. After 15 reminders for pajamas, 30 reminders for teeth brushing and 100 reminders to please get down on your knees for family prayers, my patience was running a little thin. To make matters worse, when I stood up from family prayers, my nose completely slammed shut. Completely. I sounded like a pervert making prank phone calls with all my heavy breathing.

Finally, Chase gets in bed, followed by 15 requests for a drink, 30 requests for a trip to the potty, 100 requests for a stuffed animal and the nightly "Hey, Mom, what fun thing do we have planned for tomorrow?"

I marched back into Chase's room and said,

"Seriously, Chase. No more. I'm done."


"What?"


"I'm done."


"What?"


"I'M FINISHED!!"


"Oooooohhhhhh........What does that mean?"


Seriously, kid. Aren't hearing aids supposed to be standard issue? Were we standing in the wrong line the day they were handed out, cause I don't remember getting ours.


"I'm finished. I'm tired. I'm crabby. I'm done. Goodnight!"


Chase said, so sweetly, honestly and seriously,

"Well, at least I can be nice at bedtime."

Great, kiddo. You be nice. I am going to take my stuffed nose and my crabby attitude and go plunk myself in front of the TV. I'm done.

I walk into the kitchen and Jeff is literally holding his side from laughter. He's in the kitchen wetting his pants, at something. Are you serious? You really want to chance laughing at the raving lunatic? Not a smart move, man! So, I asked this brave fellow what on earth he is finding so funny. Apparently, this is how my conversation with Chase had sounded:

"Seriously, Chade, doh bore. I'b dud."

"What?"

"I'b dud."

"What?"

"I'B FIDISHED!"

"Ooooooohhhhhh.....What does that mean?"

"I'b fidished. I'b tired. I'b crubby. I'b dud. Goodtight."

Well, looky there. All of a sudden, I'm not so crabby anymore. Not to mention, relieved that Chase is neither hearing impaired or brain damaged.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Why I Hate Colds

Colds are not the worst thing you can have. You don't die from a cold. But you wanna.

First, you walk around all day feeling like you are required to carry a bowling ball on your shoulders. You want to lay around. But let's face it. You only have a cold. The argument won't hold up in court. So, instead, you keep going.

John Q public has you pegged as the one with the cold. The bright red, chapped ring around your nostrils gives you away. But you can't help it. The amount of gunk running out of your face becomes a challenge, even for Kleenex. I do consider myself a step above the average two year old, though. You will not see green stuff running out of both barrels on my face.

You are a coughing, oozing, sneezing mess. Every sound that comes out of your face is disgusting, sending most peoples gag reflexes into spasm. But, what's the big deal?! It's only a cold, right?

They say that the fastest way to get yourself unsick is to sleep. Have you ever tried to sleep with a cold? I am pretty sure that it would be easier to climb Mt. Everest with one hand tied behind my back, wearing ice skates...and a bikini. It only takes one false move and you throw yourself into a coughing fit that would wake the dead. So, slap the Vapo Rub on your feet and cover them with a pair of socks, slap it on your chest and cover that with a dishtowel, rub Metholatum under your nose and pop a Menthol cough drop in your mouth. You now look like a scene stolen right out of Sleepless in Seattle.


Okay, the cough is under control. So, you lay down. Now, it's time to play Snot Tennis. You lay on one side and let the snot slowly volley to the other side of your nose. You don't want to move because your other nostril is now full of an unearthly amount of impassable snot. So, you lay on that side, forever. When you can't take it any more, when you have laid there to the point of rigormortis and pain, your roll over. Here comes the serve. Wait for it. Wait for it. Can't breath yet. Wait for it. Here it comes..............and............flooop. There is goes. The volley is complete. You can breath now. This goes on and on until you are lucky enough to fall asleep and put yourself out of your misery. That is IF you manage to not wake yourself up with an unruly snorting and snoring because you can't breath.


So, the next time you want to come over to my house with "just" a cold, just give me a call. The next time you want to send your child with a cold over to play, just send flowers. I am not a big fan of colds.


And, lest any of you readers live close enough to have actually been to my house lately, and you have a cold...no...I did not get this cold from you.

Adios, Senor Froggie

Chase "won" this African Dwarf Spotted Frog last summer at our 24th of July festivites in Logan. We were told that they live only for about six months. We had very little expectations of this pet. We were just satisfied to wake up every morning to see him moving.

Chase really went out on a limb for this one and named him Froggie. Yeah, a stretch. I know.


Well, the night before Mother's Day, I went into the kitchen late at night and peeked in the bowl while I was in there. Froggie was bottoms up at the bottom of the tank. I was surprised at how sad I was. So, the next morning, I placed both of my hands firmly on Chase's shoulders and told him the news. Chase took it like a champ. He was glad that Froggie got to see Jesus and then asked if he could go see Froggie in the bowl. Well, I'll be jiggered, the dang thing was right side up! I was both mystified and completely grossed out. Nice, Mom. Tell your son their pet is dead...and he's not. We moved the tank to see if he was alive and he made the most odd sort of movement. Nope, not dead. But he was acting like he wanted to be! So, I did some more research on this type of frog. Apparently, they are to have a 5 year life span. I went from feeling like African Dwarf Frog caretaker of the year, to feeling like a frog abuser. I thought that I was in line to win some award because our frog had lived for 10 months, instead of six. Not even close!
He would not swim, eat, move...nothing. He just laid on the bottom of the bowl, alternating between right side up and upside down. None of my research could come up with anything to explain what was going on. So, after watching this poor frog suffer for two more days, I couldn't take it anymore. Jeff and I had to exercise some frog-en-asia. We held a toilet-side service, paid our respects, and flushed him down. Sigh. Definitely not winning any awards for that one.
My apologies to all of you animal lovers and frog experts out there. I just couldn't watch it suffer anymore. I think that we will be demoting ourselves. Chase's stuffed dog seems to be the perfect pet.
Oh, and one more reason I won't be winning any awards. Froggie is really a girl. I found that out during my research when we first got Froggie. Chase was having a hard time wrapping his brain around the fact that he had a girl pet, so I dropped it. Maybe Froggie died of a broken heart.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Wanna See Something Embarrassing?

Make sure you turn your volume down before playing this video. It's embarrassingly loud.

It is a once in a million shot for me. I am always three steps behind every picture and video. I will always, most likely, miss the very thing I am trying to capture. But I got it. I actually got a video clip of Chase making a goal. And then, I had to go and ruin it. Well, go ahead and watch it. But try and pay no mind to the screaming banshee in the background.

video

Yeah, that's me. Jeff was literally crawling under his chair. The rest of the soccor parents have come to expect nothing less from me, unfortunately. But, hey, in my defense, if there is any, I screamed just like that for the whole team, the whole game, regardless if Chase was in or out. Is that a good defense?

Anyway, soccor is over. We had a great time, obviously. Jeff and I actually miss it, more that Chase does, I think. I would like to think that I will have matured a little more by next season. We all know that won't happen.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Ah, Sweetness

I have a cold. A stupid, stupid cold. I can't even rememer that last time I had a cold. I have not had one FOREVER. But, now I have a cold. At the end of May even. What's up with this?!

I woke up this morning, tired, groggy, feeling like it was a crime against humanity to have to get up and deal. Feeling lazy down to my toes, I consented when a very hungry, very abandoned 5 year old came in and asked me if he could make his own toast.

I heard humming in the kitchen as this cute little boy made his own breakfast. Little snippets of guilt are running through my very tired mind as I lay there rebeling against the world. What kind of mom makes her child make his own breakfast because she is too tired to get up? What kind of day is it going to be when I let it start like this?

A few minutes later, that fabulous 5-year old brought ME breakfast in bed; two mangled and very buttered pieces of toast, on a paper plate.

Nevermind. I think this is going to be a GREAT day!

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Oh, Brother

Last night at a RS Enrichment class, I was expressing my concern and reticence at Chase's approach to kindergarten. It is his last day of preschool today. My dream last night leads me to believe I am having more anxiety for kindergarten than I thought.

I was acting like typical fashion me. We were going to the school to find out who Chase's teacher would be. Of course, I had to take pictures so I could document this monumental occasion and make the typical big deal out of it. Next thing I know, I had somehow missed the memo that this was really the first day of kindergarten, and, I was in my underwear. Chase somehow got the message that school was starting because he was in class. Which class? I don't know. I was coming to find the list, but the list was gone.

I wanted to peek my head in and see Chase in his class, but Jeff reminded me that I was in my underwear. Jeff then announced to me that he had had enough...he was going home. As he was leaving the school in his truck, I wanted to ask him to bring me some clothes so I could go see Chase in his class. He sped off too fast. So, I thought I would call him. Whoops, my cell phone is in the school. I can't go in...I'm in my underwear. So, I jump in my car and try to go home. None of the pedals are working and the car rolls to a stop...in the only entrance/exit to the school. Now everyone is really mad, screaming at the lady in her underwear. So, I start running home. In my underwear. Oh, yeah. It wasn't pretty. I am always skinny in every dream I have...EXCEPT this one!!

I make it home, frantically trying to get some clothes on so I can get back to the school and try to be involved somewhat in the big day that I am missing. All of a sudden, my sister in law brings Chase home. He has told her all about his first day of school and doesn't want to say it all over again for me. I missed it. I missed his big day.

Sigh. I know. I need to take a deep breath and a chill pill. Holy crap. It's only the last day of preschool.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

The World According to a Five Year Old

If Chase ran the world, then

Potato chips would be an entree

$200 for a trampoline would not be "espensive" at all

Grandma and Grandpa would live next door...in a house that his daddy built

He could change his birthday, to a "summer one".

Mom would want to get her eyeballs waxed

Mirages on the road would not disappear

Stuffed animals would be real

He would have lots of brothers, not sure yet about the sisters

It would never get dark, giving you way more time to play

Those fake promo credit cards you get in the mail would have real money in them

All cashiers in the world would be as fabulous as the one that pretended his did

Friends would never move away

He would spell his name "C-H-A-S-E-B-Y-U"

Messes would clean themselves

Kindergarten would start the day after preschool gets out

Brushing your teeth and an occasional hand wash would be all the bath you would need

Brussel spouts, spinach and Cool Whip would have never been invented

His knock-knock jokes would actually be funny, and make sense

Little boys would never have to get married, and leave their favorite house...and all of their toys

He would always have enough "poxibles" in the freezer to share with his friends

There would be numbers like "one hundred sixty-ninety-eighty"

His dad could stay home and play with him everyday

You could have a sandbox in your bedroom

There would be a prize in every box of cereal

Stake Conference would be televised


Actually, with the exception of Mom getting her eyeballs waxed, his world doesn't sound half bad...don't you think?


Tuesday, May 12, 2009

That's A Good Trick, No?

Jeff has been going through somewhat of a second adolescence. He has been playing practical joke after practical joke. Chase used to shoot me a look as if to ask, "Is that really true, Mom?" Now, he has become completely impervious to it. Doesn't even phase him anymore.


Today, as we were dropping our daddy off after a lunch with him, Jeff was trying to get Chase to believe that there was a monkey in our freezer, holding a hammer to chop up the ice for the ice dispenser. I was waiting for the look, but it never came. Chase wasn't about to be duped. He's on to his dad's tricks. A few times on the way home, Chase mentioned that he was going to go home and see this monkey. I was pretty sure that Chase knew that Jeff was joking, but for some reason, Chase was playing along. I mean, sheesh. Of all the jokes to fall for! A monkey in the freezer? Wielding a hammer? Come on!

As we pulled into the garage at home, Chase told me not to come in the house. He told me to stand outside the door and wait until he said it was okay to come in. I was really surprised that he wanted to see the "monkey" by himself. I thought maybe he would be a little nervous about the whole thing.

After about 2 minutes of hanging out in the garage, I knocked on the door and Chase threw it open excitedly and exclaimed,



"Mom! Mom! There really IS monkey in the freezer! LOOK!"



I opened the freezer, thinking that I would be a fun mother and play along. I didn't have to pretend for long. This is what I found:



















Seriously. I think we are in trouble here. This kid has no chance whatsoever with the two of us as parents. Jeff and I are still reeling from the cleverness of this kid. Guess this apple isn't falling far from this tree!

Monday, May 11, 2009

If You Feed Your Child Breakfast...

If you feed your child breakfast, chances are you will open your fridge to get milk and you will see strawberry juice on the shelf in the fridge.


Then you will have to wipe it off, of course after you take EVERYTHING out of the fridge and clean the whole thing.

Then, of course, you will have to wipe the water that you sloshed on the stainless steel front, deciding that it would actually be better if you just polished the whole thing.


Then, you look over and see finger prints on the microwave and think that it would be prudent to polish that as well, AND the oven, but only after you clean both of them first.



You would probably want to polish the dishwasher, but would rethink that, thinking that it would be better to do the dishes first so water doesn't slosh on the freshly polished washer.



As you grab dishes to throw in the dishwasher, you take note that the sink needs a good Comet scrub. As you load the last of the dishes you notice that all of the plates in the plate rack are nasty dusty, so you invite your son to help you load all of those special plates.

Then, you would notice that the decorative plate rack is nasty dusty too, so you would grab a barely damp rag and dust it, only to think that it would be a good idea if you did the entire kitchen cabinets, momentarily forgeting that your husband is a master cabinet maker, and there are a lot of cabinets.


As you round the corner to dust the secretary that houses all of your "stuff", you would see that it is spilling over with junk mail that needs be shredded, so you invite your son and friend to have a hay day with the shredder.


Then, on one of your trips to the garbage from cleaning out the secretary, you would notice that the garbages stink and need a cleaning, so you would probably clean out the garbage cans and the garbabe cabinet.


Of course you would use the faucet extender to fill the cans, losing control of the faucet, sending water spraying everywhere.


You would need to dry the blinds and windows above the sink, thinking it would be an efficient idea to windex the window, while you are there, of course.


Then, you would remove all of the knick knacks and stuff from the granite counter tops so you could dry your water explosion, and you would want to polish the granite.

As you put the polish away, you round the corner and see that the boys are done with their shredding and the floor now needs to be swept.


Then, as you are sweeping the floor, you realize that you are sweating profusely, so you go open a window in the family room, only to be sad that you are looking through such dirty windows.

As you wash the family room windows, you step outside to do the outside ones, and see that,


NO WAY!!! CLOSE YOUR EYES AND WALK BACK INSIDE!!

Then you notice that the valances above the family room windows are riddled with dust and spider webs, so you take them down and go into the laundry room, noticing that the tile floor in there feels like the sandbox outside, so you would mop the floor.

FOUR hours, pruny hands, a gallon of sweat, and one CLEAN kitchen later...

your son is hungry and needs to eat lunch.


The moral of the story: eat at McDonald's


Saturday, May 9, 2009

Slip Of The Tongue? I Think Not!

By evening, the other day, Chase was nearing the end of his ever-loving rope. He was so crabby that he was literally holding on by a thread. I could have said, "Hey, Chase, the sky is blue" and he would have melted into a puddle exclaiming, "Why?! Whyy?! WHYYY!?" As we pulled into the driveway and got out of the truck from running some errands, it was 7pm. 7pm as a normal bedtime would normally seem a little early. But to the parent of a child who is coming undone at the seams, 7 is GREAT!! So, I looked at Chase and said,

"Whoa, Buddy! It is SO time for you to go to bed! We need to put you out of our misery."

I halted a little after that came out of my mouth. Jeff stopped to look at me and we BUSTED up laughing. I didn't MEAN to say it that way. But as soon as I said it, I MEANT it!

Ah, here's to all of the things we say that we swore we would never say as parents!

Friday, May 8, 2009

Still Here

Don't you love the consistent inconsistency of some people's inconsistent posts?


I have had a few people request pictures of our remodeled dining room. I wish I was more happy about these pictures. Nothing says "success" quite like the great accomplishment of painting two huge rooms in 5 days...a color that you absolutely hate. Now don't think that I would go through all of the trouble of spending time, money and energy on paint that I didn't like. I just absolutely DO NOT possess the talent of picking out a color for my walls from a little bitty piece of scratch paper they have the nerve to call a color swatch. We were only painting our living room because it had been painted a color that I had chosen wrong the first time. Seems like I chose wrong yet AGAIN!! shheeeesssh

Anyway, here are the rooms...all done. I LOVE the red wall. I am pleased as punch that I got that right! But I sit in my living room, staring at my walls, telling myself that I have to love the color because there is no way in heck I would ever get my sweet hubby to do that all over again.
Sigh.
.
Oh, and for those of you who are sitting there thinking that we have lost our marbles, we aren't done yet. We will be changing out and centering the light fixture in the dining room. hehehehe