Language Barrier

What are we taught is the fastest way to get from point A to point B? A straight line. A direct approach. This is obviously something that we are taught when we get a little older. This principal is completely wasted on children of the younger persuasion.

At a Dr. visit yesterday, the specialist was running down a list of fun little things that she had noticed about Chase; size of an average 7 year old, well-exercised, full of energy, bright, teeth coming and going, well-spoken....

When she mentioned well-spoken, I about detached and swallowed the dangly thing in the back of my throat, trying to stifle a giggle. While Chase is well-spoken most of the time, we do have a few communication glitches arise now and then. The speed bump, for now, is trying to decipher what he is saying when he chooses to speak in an alternative form. For example;

When asked a question, Chase will often respond by writing his answer in the air, with his finger. Not an easy thing to translate when his spelling of a word might not coincide with my spelling of that same word.

There is always the classic "made up" language. Yeah, that is a fun one. They look at you as if YOU are the one that just arrived from another planet when YOU have the nerve to not understand a single thing that is coming out of their mouth.

I must say that we have dabbled in our own version of sign language, as well. Chase must catch the puzzled look on my face since he volunteers translation. "Mom, that means 'yes'." Oh, thanks buddy. I was a little lost there for a second.

My personal favorite? Musical answers. He is quite a fan of writing words and letters. When showing me his school work after school, he points to his best letters of all, and breaks out into a stirring rendition of the Hallelujah chorus.

The other day, I was introduced to yet another hurdle set in my path in an attempt to derail and mystify me. I asked him a question and got nothing but whistling back as a response. Thinking he was ignoring me, I repeated the question with a little more vigor. Chase, in turn, repeated the same whistle pattern back to me. Then he said,

"You couldn't understand what I said, Mom? I said, 'Sure, I would love to, Mom.' Wow, you don't speak "whistle" very well, do you?"

Nope, kiddo. I am pretty sure my instruction manual got lost in the mail.

What if...?

I have figured out that one of my roles as a parent, is to educate. One of my best resources for parenting tips has come from my own experiences.

I have flattened my share of unsuspecting children waiting innocently on the other side of a closed door. Not wanting my poor boy to suffer the same painful and startling end as these other unfortunate little ones, I gave Chase a good warning. He was in the laundry room changing his jeans, right next to the door leading to the garage. Jeff had been going in and out while working on a project. I could see it was an accident waiting to happen. I quickly told Chase that he might want to move over to do his wardrobe switcheroo.

Now, a little incite to Chase. He is constantly throwing out "What if..." questions. For example, if we are a few minutes late for school, I get "What if we were a few HOURS late for school?" If I thank him for eating all of his vegetables, I get "What if I ate ALL of the vegetables in ALL of the world?" If I compliment him on how quickly he tied his shoe, I get "What if I was the fastest shoe-tier ever?" You get the idea. Frankly, I do tire a bit of this game. I have to be pretty spunky to think of a clever enough response to this constant barrage of "what if's".

When I told Chase to slide over to change his pants, he replied with the only response that most 5-year old children tend to generate,

"Why?" he asked.

I quickly told him that his dad would be opening the door any second and it would be very unfortunate if he was standing behind said door.

"Well, it's a good thing that Pepper doesn't know how to open doors."

wait for it....wait for it...and...here it comes:

"What if Pepper knew how to open doors?"

I was on my "A" game. I took the bait.

I wanted to say that wouldn't it be cool if she was like Underdog, 'cause Underdog could open a door. However, as soon as I started to speak, my brain cloud took over and I could not remember the superhero dog's name, to save my life.

"Well, she could only open a door if she was...uh...what is he called...um..."

"A human?"




After I wiped up the water that came spraying out of my mouth, and shooting out of my nose, I came to a good conclusion. It is waaaaay more fun to take the bait. You never know where their responses will take you.

Gone. All Gone

I have lost Chase.

Gone. Lost. Forever.

At the risk of sounding overly dramatic, I will explain. Wait a sec...who am I trying to kid here?! OF COURSE I am TRYING to sound overly DRAMATIC! Pfft.

Nonetheless, I will still e'splain.

Chase weighs 57 pounds. I have lost 55 pounds (go Shredded Wheat!). I "tried" Chase "on" the other day, to see how he fit. Chase wrapped his legs around my middle and his arms around my neck. I let go with my hands, to make it feel more realistic, and I walked and walked; up and down the hall, up and down the stairs. Uh, it's no wonder I used to hurt from head to toe. 57 pounds is a lot of junk to be hauling around in one's trunk! Kinda helped me put things into perspective. Kinda explained why I am feeling like this is such an accomplishment. Kinda makes me want to

SHOUT FROM THE ROOFTOPS!!

K. All better.

I really was trying to wait until I was the at the exact weight loss of Chase's weight, but, he seems to be thinking we are having some sort of competition. He is gaining weight almost as fast as I am losing it. He is going through a growth spurt right now, so we are having polar opposite results. We have taken out a bin full of clothes from Chase's room that he has outgrown...two garbage sacks from mine that are ginormous now. THANK GOODNESS it's not the other WAY AROUND.

I am sorry that this has become Blah Blah Blog of Danielle's weight loss blah blah blah. I just have decided that I couldn't really keep this in anymore. And, Melanie...don't get your pantyhose in a bunch. ;) I WILL post a photo; just as soon as either of my boys can learn how to take a picture that passes.

What The......?

I haven't decided what I like better; same old, same old, or feeling like the title of the old movie "The God's Must Be Crazy" has become your daily mantra. Seems like around our house these days, everything is topsy turvey. Everything is changing. Whether the change be for the better or for the worse, there is always someone that is left there thinking, "What the...?"

What the...is going on at our house?

There are bees in our basement. Really. We don't know where the source is. We find the whole thing rather odd. Chase's friend got stung, on the bum, in our house, playing with toys. They were all thinking "What the...?!"

It's only the 16th, and my visiting teaching has been done for a whole week. What the...!?

My dad has nearly finished six long weeks of chemo and radiation for stomach cancer. Cancer? Seriously? A BIG WHAT THE...!

I have lost 52 pounds since July. WHAT THE...!! Along with all of those poundages, I have lost inches off of many body parts, some mentionables, some not so mentionable. I am soooo close to leading our choir with only one part of my arm. So close. I am down almost 4 jean sizes. And, I like my bum. Whoa! What the...?

We have had Chase at the hospital or doctor's SIX times in FOUR weeks. I am sure the docs are thinking, "What the...?"

I bribed my entire ward choir, and their entire families, with a smoked pork bar-b-que, ala Jeff. I am shameless. When I broke the news to Jeff, he said, "What the...?"

I went 6 weeks, getting up at 5:30 AM, to attend a boot camp; one hour of non-stop, hurt-yourself cardio and resistant exercises. I went up and down Old Main stairs COUNTLESS times. WHOOT WHOO! I still get winded going down, then up my 13 stairs, to get a can of soup. What the...?

Chase learned how to tie his shoes after showing him only TWICE. That's it. I give credit to his kindergarten teacher, who put it as a requirement on their homework. She was so excited and proud of Chase, she literally said, "What the...?!"

I took almost 4 minutes off of my timed mile while doing boot camp. I won't tell you what my first time was. I will just let you be impressed with the near-4 minute deficit. I don't want anyone giving me crap, with a big, "What the...?!"

On Halloween, our neighbor walked right on by without even recognizing me. He said, "What the...?!"

I said, "Sweeeet!"

Are You Smarter Than A Kindergartener?

Chase has fallen in love with writing, followed closely by reading. He is constantly looking for the second mile to go when doing his homework...for now...at least.

For one assignment, Chase wrote the word "pig", complete with the little smiley-thingy above the "i", indicating the "i" makes a short sound. Chase was sure proud of himself when he showed me. He announced,

"Look, Mom! I even drew my breev!"

Chase often misplaces the "th" sound with a "v" sound, so I thought he was telling me that he wrote the verb breathe.

"How do you draw a "breathe", Chase?"

"No, BREEV."

"Yeah, how do you draw a "breathe?"

"No. B-R-E-V-E (pointing to the smile over the "i"). This is a breve, Mom. This. A breve. This is a breve."

Oh. Well, how was I supposed to know that, Mr. Smarty-Pants? I'm not the one in school.


On another page of his homework, he was to write words that he could find around the house that started with the letter "M". To make it more fun, I followed him around the house with a pencil and paper, scribing the words for him first. With all ten words found, he sat down and began to write the words on his homework, using my words for spelling. He came to a word that he couldn't read.

"Mom, what does this say?"

"Monster".

"THAT is an 'r'? You know better than to make an 'r' like that! I can't even read that!"

Uh, excuse me?

We are just at the beginning here. It's not looking good for me for here on out.

Counting Down to Fun-ness

In all of my blog-hopping travels (yup, I am one of those), I have come across a lot of clever people doing a lot of clever things. One that really lit my fire was a candy counter.

Every year, Chase's Halloween candy sits around, being moved from one location to another, never depleting. After I get tired of looking at it, I put it in the abyss called the candy drawer. It never sees the light of day again. Around the time of Halloween, a year later, I clean out the drawer and throw it away. Along with the Halloween candy, I throw out Valentine's, Easter and parade candy. Obviously, candy is not Chase's nemesis. Donuts, cookies, cupcakes? Yeah, there it is.

The candy counter idea puts his candy to good use and helps us look forward to and count down to some major events coming (i.e. birthdays, end of cancer treatments, holidays up to Christmas). We had a lot of fun working on this project together. Chase punched out all of the stars and wrote the dates on them. Well, looky there. Educational quality time with benefit of candy. Winner, winner, chicken dinner!





We ended up with 47 days, 47 treats, 6 special days to look forward to, improved number counting and writing, and some fabulous mom-son time. We are also breaking a new record. For the first time, in the history of Chase, he will actually finish his Halloween candy.

What a weird goal.

Baby, It's Cold Outside

When I dropped Chase off for school today, it was cold, but not quite wet. As I picked him up later, it was slushing...sideways. Being cold is one thing. Being wet and cold is another.

As we darted into the van for cover, Chase exclaimed,

"I am going to need a good cup of Joe when I get home."