Is Today My Lucky Day?

No. Apparently not. It just seems that you are one sandwich shy of a full picnic. Not quite running on all cylinders today.


I went to the grocery store today. At check out, the amount came to $98 and something. I handed the young man-boy checker a crisp one hundred dollar bill. We exchanged the customary niceties as I haplessly watched my backyard bar-b-bque ingredients filling plastic grocery bags. The cashier asked me if I was collecting Turkey Vouchers ($1.00 coupons that you can either use towards purchasing your holiday Tom, or donate to the food bank). I happily replied that I was and thanks for reminding me that the holiday season now officially feels like it can begin. Seriously. I love Turkey Vouchers!

When all necessary business had been taken care of, the young man handed me a small stack of stuff, consisting of 4 Turkey Vouchers (yay whooo!), a crisp dollar bill, and a long and winding receipt, in that order. I looked at my treasures, elated at what I held in my hand. No longer able to keep my joy to myself, I said,

"Ah, sweet! And what's the dollar bill for? Is this a new holiday thing you guys have started? Did I spend enough money to get a gift, or something?"

"Um, no. Not so much. That's just part of your change, ma'am" he said, as he dumped some coins in my hand, while wearing a very unimpressed and weary expression on his face.

Uh, right. I knew that. I just wanted to make your day, young man. I thought I would give you a little respite from the same old boring, smart people, that would never be brave enough to show their blond moments in public. Today is YOUR lucky day, dude.

I really left my mark on this poor grocery store today. I am sure they were extra impressed with me when, after returning $40 worth of charcoal a few hours later, I walked right back out of the store, taking the cart of charcoal with me. The customer service rep said,

"Um, ma'am, you can go ahead and leave the cart right there. We will take care of that for you."

"Oh, yeah, um, I was just, well, I mean, I thought, duh, I just wanted to move it, er, out of the way, buh, over here. Right. Sigh. I am going home to take a nap."

Gird your loins, people. Tomorrow is Saturday...and I need milk for the Sabbath.